I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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