I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
