So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
