Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
