so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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