i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
