If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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