Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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