i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
