im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
