hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.