I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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