good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?