you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
