Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic

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  (402): god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic http://tfl.nu/9rrm
  Replies (2) Good night (1481) Bad night (699)
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  (310): View more from California

  i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.

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  (310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin. http://tfl.nu/cawx
  Replies (3) Good night (1495) Bad night (570)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (28807) Bad night (1608)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?

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  (217): Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina? http://tfl.nu/iipt
  Replies (17) Good night (3817) Bad night (1309)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.

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  (919): She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat. http://tfl.nu/bin7
  Replies (9) Good night (1846) Bad night (5275)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face

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  (856): my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face http://tfl.nu/f36p
  Replies (3) Good night (1187) Bad night (3469)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.

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  (480): He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now. http://tfl.nu/isy9
  Replies (12) Good night (3895) Bad night (1483)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?

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  (765): She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards? http://tfl.nu/6kdc
  Replies (11) Good night (3789) Bad night (1073)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left

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  (217): The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left http://tfl.nu/fjkf
  Replies (15) Good night (2349) Bad night (1137)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5651) Bad night (911)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n

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  (616): at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n http://tfl.nu/8ho6
  Replies (6) Good night (1388) Bad night (814)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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  (631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540
  Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (462)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom

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  (709): He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom http://tfl.nu/rh7h
  Replies (11) Good night (824) Bad night (408)
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  (831): View more from California

  My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire

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  (831): My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire http://tfl.nu/9w77
  Replies (6) Good night (899) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

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  (708): I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING? (224): WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? http://tfl.nu/7enb
  Replies (11) Good night (962) Bad night (446)

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