if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
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Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?