Texts From Last Night

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  (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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  (830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice http://tfl.nu/5b32
  Replies (37) Good night (3737) Bad night (734)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

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  (610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat (215): watch out for the queen of hearts (610): fuucck i forgot ab her http://tfl.nu/mo46
  Replies (15) Good night (5434) Bad night (674)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Decisions, decisions.

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  (319): So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions. http://tfl.nu/1ou5
  Replies (46) Good night (8756) Bad night (1048)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."

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  (630): And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs." http://tfl.nu/aazi
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (3637)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.

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  (803): life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin. http://tfl.nu/2cdm
  Replies (15) Good night (3122) Bad night (1238)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

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  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
  Replies (10) Good night (2041) Bad night (1021)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?

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  (814): where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ? http://tfl.nu/ejao
  Replies (8) Good night (2464) Bad night (669)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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  (309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu
  Replies (13) Good night (1284) Bad night (2162)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.

  (1+44): View more from

  I regret nothing

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  (+44): you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop. (1+44): I regret nothing http://tfl.nu/8vxi
  Replies (3) Good night (2775) Bad night (1284)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.

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  (570): On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me. http://tfl.nu/8dr9
  Replies (6) Good night (2667) Bad night (521)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.

  (1-914): View more from New York

  You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.

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  (914): Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county. (1-914): You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/15gl
  Replies (3) Good night (2016) Bad night (628)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear

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  (208): I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear http://tfl.nu/1f0a
  Replies (11) Good night (4359) Bad night (727)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that

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  (262): Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that http://tfl.nu/fjxw
  Replies (9) Good night (573) Bad night (1107)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me

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  (615): Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me http://tfl.nu/3qkc
  Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (450)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.

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  (612): It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death. http://tfl.nu/1jo8
  Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (334)

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