remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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