You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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