shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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