you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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