but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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