I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
