GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
