the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
