I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could fuck to npr.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
