I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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