oh god the rape fog is back!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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