people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
