I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
