Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
did i just pee glitter
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
