Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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