we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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