Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
