Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
