Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Randomize
