I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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