who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
