He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
