I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
