This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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