Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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