I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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