Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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