I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
