apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
