I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
