Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
