I must be too annoying 4 u.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
