I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
