Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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