so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
