How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
