I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
