I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize