Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
