Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
