i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
