someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
