I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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