you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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