We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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