I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
