i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
