so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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