I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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