hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
