It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
