my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
