How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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