i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
