Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
