Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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