I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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