a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
